Its been awhileeeee. Work has been extremely... tough to say the least the past couple of days. I finally thought that I had a grasp on things after my 2 years working as a nurse but the last month has thrown a lot of new experiences my way. I've learned some valuable lessons albeit they were tough lessons to learn. I've learned to trust my instincts and to continue to advocate for my patients. I've learned that there are people who have a stick up their butt so I should not take things personally. I've learned that a nurse is never done learning and that I should always take every day as an experience to learn from to be a better nurse to my patients. I've learned to adapt to new environments and apply my skills in a setting that I wasn't familiar with.
I do have to say, whoever thinks that being a nurse is easy peasy because they work 3 - 4 days a week... needs to walk a day in a nurses' shoe. There is definitely a reason for that. We work hard mentally and physically for 13 hours a day for the 3 - 4 days and spend the other 3 recuperating to gear up for the next couple of shifts.
Your brain is never off when you're at work and your mind is constantly multitasking. You're thinking about 4 to 5 different patients (more on other units) at a time and wondering what their past medical history is, how it affects their health conditions now and possible complications that my arise in the future.
You think about when the patient's last bowel movement was, if they're moving their bowels, are they having diarrhea from the chemo or C.diff? constipated from pain medications? Risk of perforated bowels?
You worry about their high blood pressure and wonder is this too high? Is this their normal? Or is it too low? Is this a sign of septic infection or is this how they normally are? Do they need fluids? Are they dehydrated?
You wonder about their breathing. Are they fluid overloaded? Do they have a cough? Maybe pneumonia? Will they need more oxygen?
You listen out for bed alarms for high risk patients because if they fall, it can mean life and death for some of these patients. It also means tons of paper work (well computer documentation) for you and a slew of tests patients needs to go for to make sure they're not bleeding in their head.
You administer blood or chemo and cross your fingers they don't react. And if they do react, your mind runs a mile a minute anticipating the interventions the doctors will order so that you can provide the necessary medications quickly to the patients.
You reassure patients during a time when things seem out of control. You try your best to answer their questions when they feel like they don't know enough. Often times, you try to empathize with patients that seems unfathomable to wrap your own mind around.
And it's never just the 4 or 5 patients assigned to you during that day. You also speak with patient's family members. Reassure them the best they can. Answer questions that doctors should be answering. Passing their concerns to the doctors.
You are also the front line members of the hospital. That means if the patient is upset about why it's taking so long for them to go down for a CT scan or if they did not receive the right food for the 10th time in a row, they are yelling at you. They demand things be made right and many times you are powerless to make it better. If you are unable to give pain medications because the doctor hasn't ordered it and then pharmacy did not approve of it fast enough in our medication cart, the patients assume I'm being lazy and ignoring their pain. I have been yelled at, hit at by patients. I've been treated like an idiot by fellow nurses and doctors. My patience has been tested to limits that I didn't know existed.
A nurse is not just giving out medications. Nurses wear many hats and perform tasks that other people do on top of their own. You do the duties cleaning person when patients spill something on the floor. You do the duties of a nurses' aide when you help patients to the bathroom, change their diaper, or give them a bath. You are a nutritionist when patients do not get the right food and you must hunt down what they want to eat.
Nurses lift, pull, push, bend, lower, reach and stretch their bodies in ways they really shouldn't. We go home with achy knees, achy backs, swollen feet. We eat when we have any 15 minutes when patients do not need something and those 15 minutes are not necessarily in succession. We pee when we have time. (Usually we don't) We drink when we remember to. (It's not until our lips are chapped from dehydration that we remember) We chug our coffees in the morning and sometimes will walk in and have to dive into a situation. We don't have the luxury of taking it slow in the morning if we had a rough night before. We can't afford to go to work on 3 hours of sleep because our job requires constant mental alertness.
Despite all this, I keep going back. I realize any work situation has its ups and downs and I acknowledge that working isn't easy. That's why it's called WORK! I go home feeling that despite all that, I have made a small difference in hopefully one person's life and given them care that I would want to receive. I sincerely hope that I do not feel any different 10 years down the line. I know that if that time ever comes when I do not take pride in my work, will be my cue to quit or change to a different position.
I have something awesome to look forward to!! Next week I will be going to Korea!! Yay and then visiting my friend in Beijing. I'm looking forward to 3 weeks of rest, food and fun. There will be many friends who will be in Korea at the same time and seeing them in a new setting will be awesome. I hope to come back with renewed energy and a new vigor to dive into my work again!!